The Darkness

A broken man
With a broken heart
Tried to break his body
So it would fit the part

What he felt inside
Didn't fit his face
He emitted radiance
He was full of grace

But he felt all alone
He wanted you there
His comfortable poison
You, without care

You hollowed him out
Left addiction and he
The only companionship
He could possibly see

So he drank it away
His light, his spark
He smoked and he snorted
Until all was dark

Cerra Hawkins
2/10/14

I Miss You

The shock of the event has all but gone
Our day to day lives have lumbered along
But I still miss you

Sometimes I'm still struck with intense emotion
By the thought of you going - just the notion
And I still miss you

I saw you in a dream the night before last
For a brief and fleeting moment I'd forgotten you'd passed
And then I missed you

I wonder what you're doing and where you are
What you see, what your hear, and if you are far
Because I miss you

I know in the end we will meet again
But tomorrow, next year, and until then
I'll always miss you

Cerra Hawkins
10/21/13

I have no words
My thoughts are racing in circles
I want you here
But I've never been so angry with you

Our loss is your gain
It was only a matter of time
But you left so suddenly
And my heart is heavy and torn

I can see your face
I hope it doesn't fade away
But it haunts me now
As I try to stop the pain

I will never know
The weight of the cross you held
But it's lifted now
And your burdens are no more

Embrace Him that died
So that you could be whole again
Be with Him now my brother
And peace be with our souls

Cerra Hawkins
8/29/13

A Love Letter to My Brother

You were so young

I was even younger

We were divided by disease and dysfunction

I can still smell your leather jacket

And feel it between my fingers

As they tore me from you

The night you left

The winter wind that came through the open front door

Chilled my tear soaked cheeks

But I barely noticed

You told me it was going to be okay

I wanted to watch you leave

I wanted to see where you were going

But they shut the door

The cold where I stood still remained for a moment

I didn't understand

Why they made you leave me

You were supposed to save me from it all

You were going to take care of me

I know you wanted to

I wrote you a letter because I missed you

I was too young to do it all by myself

The one who helped me was the one who sent you away

I didn't realize the irony at the time

When I got your letter back

I was so excited to see what it said

It was everything a good big brother would write

I kept it in my safe with my other valuables

I found it again from time to time throughout my life

It meant something different to me each time I would read it

Now I can write you a letter on my own

A letter to tell you how much you mean to me

To tell you how much I love and admire you

How I can only imagine the betrayal and hurt you felt

To say I may know some of how it felt

And hope you know how sorry I am for it all

Though I was a victim too

I wish you never had to face it

I'd let you know that I still miss you

But I know you are still there for me and always will be

Cerra Hawkins

Âme Sœur

You tell me she's

Great

Like I don't know

Like you are a part of what makes her

Great

Like I am

You tell me you

Love her

Like you know

Like you've earned the right to

Love her

Like I have

You tell me you can see her

Soul

Like she lets you

Like your soul speaks to her

Soul

Like mine does

Cerra Ann Craven

8/02

Porter

When I leave

I can still smell his smell on me

When I do I can't help but smile

And miss him

When I kiss him

Happiness surges through me

I only want to do it again

And I am happy

I wish he were mine

But I am content

With what we have

For it is wonderful

He is so small and fragile now

A blank slate with nothing but potential

Yet already he is a work of art

Pure and new

Cerra Hawkins

3/27/09