Friday, February 25, 2011

A Love Letter to My Brother

You were so young
I was even younger
We were divided by disease and dysfunction
I can still smell your leather jacket
And feel it between my fingers
As they tore me from you
The night you left
The winter wind that came through the open front door
Chilled my tear soaked cheeks
But I barely noticed

You told me it was going to be okay
I wanted to watch you leave
I wanted to see where you were going
But they shut the door
The cold where I stood still remained for a moment
I didn't understand
Why they made you leave me
You were supposed to save me from it all
You were going to take care of me
I know you wanted to

I wrote you a letter because I missed you
I was too young to do it all by myself
The one who helped me was the one who sent you away
I didn't realize the irony at the time
When I got your letter back
I was so excited to see what it said
It was everything a good big brother would write
I kept it in my safe with my other valuables
I found it again from time to time throughout my life
It meant something different to me each time I would read it

Now I can write you a letter on my own
A letter to tell you how much you mean to me
To tell you how much I love and admire you
How I can only imagine the betrayal and hurt you felt
To say I may know some of how it felt
And hope you know how sorry I am for it all
Though I was a victim too
I wish you never had to face it
I'd let you know that I still miss you
But I know you are still there for me and always will be
Cerra Hawkins

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